The hope for me

When I first heard the death of Chester Bennington and the idea that it might be a suicide, it got me thinking like everybody on what pushed him over the edge. I will never know the actual reason why but only remind myself that I am blessed to have a support group, lucky to be looking forward to something in the future. As crazy as it sounds, I maybe to an extent, envision what growing old would be.

Watching an old couple amble along for a walk can give us #goals. Then if the couple is cycling together or running a marathon, all sorts of hashtags fly around. So this tech savvy generation I belong to, does it only cook up miles of online content and retweets? Is there something beyond that point and thought that makes us feel this way? Every time I see my grandmother (who loves to be busy and on her feet), I am amazed by her grit and liveliness. She can take a walk and name every single plant growing in the wild. She cooks in the kitchen with four kittens tangling around her legs and kids (old and young) swarming at her feet. Me, being two generations younger than her, still think I wish I live up to her age. The thought is not about living healthily or being strong enough, it just to be alive till then.

Yes, we have the usual discussion about not being active, robust and determined enough like the generation that saw the independence of our country. On the other hand, our grandparent's generation has survived fewer vaccinations, more deaths, famines, a lot of things they probably lost count. We are the lucky ones, with electricity, the internet, accessibility and so much more. Despite all of that we wish to be like them. I’m sure, no matter, what age a working individual is, has once thought about their silver hair's look and texture.

Somewhere, deep down, my generation longs to be healthy and active when we are old and wrinkled. There is that craving that we will be as amazing as the grand fathers and grandmothers that we see. There are no statistics for the wishes inside our mind, but there is a sentiment we don’t completely acknowledge. No matter, what riches and the latest technologies we have, the well being that we aspire in the generation above us remains elusive. We earn millions and spend millions but are we happy, satisfied in what we do, where will live and who we surround ourselves with? It is cliche to say that money can’t buy everything because I, like many in this world, work to earn money and the comforts that it can buy.  Every time I make money and want to spend, warning bells of investment peal out loud. If I spend, I am happy for a limited time. If I don’t spend, then regret sets in the short or long run. In this crazy cycle of physical things, I search for things that are not tangible.

I never know if I will reach those unseen comforts but at least seeing it in gives a glimmer of hope that I can achieve it someday if not today. That hope to be in peace yet with a spring in my step as my grandmom. That hope of being satisfied with what I have done in life. That hope of being okay with myself.